Say What? – Specimens 1 & 2

Welcome to the first edition of Say What?! In this series, I will take on the role of a linguistic treasure hunter, digging through the vast untamed wilderness of the internet to discover gems of unspeakable value. What sort of gems, you ask? The most glaring abuses of the English language. Actually, the rare gem analogy isn't very good. These gems would be lying all over the ground. They're so common that you don't notice them anymore, but when you pick one up and examine it, you just have to marvel at its simplistic beauty.

I'm not talking about mere misspellings, punctuation errors, or text message abbrevs. The specimens in this series are sentences that make me laugh out loud when I read them. Often, the people who wrote them are trying to be taken seriously, and then suddenly all their credibility goes out the window because of one foolish mistake. I know I'll probably come off as a little bit of an asshole in this series, or perhaps you'll even peg me as troglodytic. I hope you don't. I understand that the English language evolves. Maybe these writers are just the most avant-garde of the English revolutionaries.

Please don't read these entries as criticisms. Instead, think of them as exhibits – specimens to examine and interpret as you see fit. I interpret them as hilarious.

~ ~ ~
Specimen 1

• Location of Discovery: online gun forum
• Context: discussion of firing large-caliber guns at the range, which some shooters find obnoxiously loud
• Required Background: definition of "nomenclature": a system or set of terms or symbols especially in a particular science, discipline, or art

"You got to keep in mind that we're all there to have fun and hone our skills, no matter what gun you use. I agree, you get some morons there that don't understand the nomenclature of the range and just shoot for the sake of shooting, whether they disturb anyone or not."

• My Immediate Reaction: befuddlement
• Analysis: Perhaps he thought "nomenclature" was a fancy word for "culture", "protocol", or "etiquette"?

~ ~ ~
Specimen 2

• Location of Discovery: YouTube (a very specimen-rich environment)
• Context: comment on the Passion Pit: Sleepyhead music video I posted on my blog a while back

YouTuber1: "JUST AWESOM! I bet in 2 month we have some stupid raper doing a shitie remix!"

YouTuber2: "Rapper is spelled like that you (lol) spelled Raper lol"

• My Immediate Reaction: snickering, head shaking
• Analysis: The comment by YouTuber1 is typical: use of incorrect homophones, typos, and otherwise bizarre spelling. YouTuber2, despite overuse of "lol", nobly scoffs at YouTuber1's post. Unfortunately, any efforts at behavior correction on YouTube will prove futile.