This is your brain on 478.8MHz electromagnetic radiation.

I have found no hard evidence that cell phones cause brain cancer. I mostly believe it's yet another pointless scare perpetuated by local television news shows trying to gluttonously hoard ratings. [Another blog post in itself — these are stacking up, aren't they?]

In the past, this cell phone health debate was of little concern to me, as I generally despise talking on the phone and would much rather write or speak face to face. Since I only held my phone to my ear a couple minutes a day, other people would start dying of brain cancer long before I would. I'd have sufficient warning.

However, by an inexplicable yet delightful series of improbable events, I found myself in a short-distance relationship with a seriously quality girl, which has now become a medium-to-long-distance relationship. This means I can no longer avoid communicating for extended periods of time through a low-fidelity audio signal that gets chopped into tiny bits and hurled vigorously from a wire that shakes electrons around hundreds of millions of times a second less than an inch from my brain. (Can you think of a less pleasant way to communicate?)

Alas, I must confess: the poorly researched scare stories of the TV news producers have succeeded. I think it's time for me to don the headset. I estimate I can reduce total electromagnetic flux through my brain by several kilowatt hours over the course of my life. Will that reduce tissue damage by any measurable amount? We'll find out, I guess.